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John 4:18 (NLT)-for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”
Years ago, I worked with a gentleman who was thinking about being into Christ As we continued studying about the subject of repentance, he asked me if he could be baptized. I told him, “My friend, you told me that you and your girlfriend are living together and having sex outside of marriage. We have just seen how the Bible says that is sin. Are you willing to repent of that?” He said, “Brother Mark, I’ll move into the basement tonight.” It was my privilege to baptize him into Christ that night (along with giving him and his girlfriend a gentle encouragement to get married or else consider making separate living arrangements).
Is the subject of couples living together outside of marriage something to be concerned about? Many say that the Bible doesn’t address the subject, but it certainly does.
During the time of Christ, there were examples of people living together outside of marriage. Jesus Himself addressed this here (John 4:18) in His conversation with the Samaritan woman. He was kind, but firm on the subject of it being out of harmony with God’s will. He also clearly invited her to repentance and to follow Him.
Elsewhere, the Savior pointed people to the Divine pattern for human sexuality that God had established from the beginning with our first human parents.
Matthew 19:4-6-And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE,’. 5 and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’ ? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Adam and Eve were married (by God Himself!) before they enjoyed sexual intimacy together. The marriage covenant precedes the home and sexual relationship in God’s ideal arrangement.
Genesis 2:23-25-And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Isn’t it interesting that Jesus points us back to the Divine ideal when addressing issues such as divorce, remarriage, and sexuality? The best we can do is return to and commit to God’s ideal. Yes, the Book of Genesis shows us a steady decline after the Fall in the Garden of Eden, and this affected all the relationships. Indeed, we could say that Genesis shows us that after sin was introduced into the world, every family was in some way what we would today call “dysfunctional!”
Before 1970, every one of the United States had it as state law that couples living together outside of marriage was a prosecutable crime. Then, as Bible morals became less popular, things began to change, so that by our time today, it is common place for couples to cohabit before marriage. Sometimes these couples may even think that doing so will increase their chances of staying together if they do get married. However, the facts show that this usually isn’t how things play out.
“If you want to increase your no-divorce odds, you are better off not living together before marriage. Approximately 50 percent of all couples that marry end up getting a divorce. But 75 percent (three out of four) of the couples that live together before marriage end up divorced. Your chances of divorcing are increased rather than decreased by living together before marriage. It seems that couples that live together before marriage would be less likely to get a divorce, but studies prove otherwise. • A national study of 1,800 married couples found divorce was twice as high in cases where the couple had lived together before marriage. 1 • A study of 3,884 women who lived with their mates before marriage found that 50 percent were more likely to get a divorce than those who first married before living together. 2 • One study at Yale University found the risk of divorce after living together before marriage to be as high as 80 percent. 3 • A study of 3,300 adults found that a couple that lives together before marriage is 46 percent more likely to divorce. 4 • Unmarried cohabitations overall are less stable than marriages. The probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within five years is 20 percent, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within five years is 49 percent. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33 percent, compared with 62 percent for cohabitations. 5 • A University of Denver study found that a cohabiting couple has a significantly higher rate of divorce than a couple that does not live together first. 6 • U.S. News and World Report concluded that a cohabiting couple that marries is about 33 percent more likely to divorce than a couple that does not live together before exchanging nuptials. 7 One researcher summarized his findings with these words: The popular belief that cohabitation is an effective strategy in a high-divorce society rests on the commonsense notion that getting to know one another before marrying should improve the quality and stability of marriage. However, in this instance, it is looking more and more as if common sense is a poor guide. 8”. (David Gudgel. Before You Live Together, 463-487 (Kindle Edition): Grand Rapids, MI: Revell)
Are there good reasons for couples to wait until marriage before living together?
Yes, there are.
Here are a few.
First, sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful.
Hebrews 13:4 (TPT)-Honor the sanctity of marriage and keep your vows of purity to one another, for God will judge sexual immorality in any form, whether single or married.
Second, if it is argued that a couple is dating and living together but remaining chaste, are they not playing with fire by putting themselves in constant temptation?
1 Corinthians 6:18-Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
Proverbs 5:8-Remove your way far from her, And do not go near the door of her house,
Third, if you really love your partner, shouldn’t you be willing to do what you can to keep them from temptation as well?
Romans 14:19-Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.
Romans 15:2-Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification.
1 Corinthians 10:33-just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.
The ideal of God is our goal. We all fall short in many ways (Romans 3:23; Philippians 3:12-15; 1 John 1:7-9), but that is only an encouragement for us all to try and do better to cling to God’s pattern. We don’t allow the failures of our sinful pasts to serve as an excuse for present rebellion. Instead, we allow the shame of our past sin and gratitude for God’s grace to do better.
In a day and age where God’s Word is despised and rejected, let us do our best to hold to His Word, and to encourage others to do the same as well.
Jeremiah 6:16-Thus says the LORD: “Stand in the ways and see, And ask for the old paths, where the good way is, And walk in it; Then you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.‘
Father, thank You for Your Word that shows us the perfect blueprint for optimum happiness that brings glory to You. Help us to strive to follow You and Your Word, even when such is unpopular and despised. Encourage each of us-especially those couples who are together outside of marriage-to see our need to turn to You. Thank You for Your amazing grace which makes redemption possible. In Jesus’ Name we pray, Amen.