What If Your Mother And Father Want You Yo Disobey God?
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Leviticus 19:3-Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and keep My Sabbaths: I am the LORD your God.
Throughout the Bible, we are commanded to honor our father and mother. I am fortunate to have a mother and father who deserve to be revered and so keeping this command is not a burden. But what about those whose parents encourage them to violate God’s Law? Several people I have worked with through the years have had parents who actively discourage them from obeying God: indeed, some friends have had their parents disown and disavow them for putting God first.
So how do people honor their father and mother if their parents ask them to disobey God’s Word?
The answer lies in this passage from Leviticus.
Prager has these excellent notes (and some wise considerations):
“Moreover, the Torah does not command us to always obey our parents, but to honor them. The distinction between honor and obedience is highlighted in a later Torah verse: “You shall each revere his mother and father, and keep My Sabbaths” (Leviticus 19: 3). The Talmud explains the juxtaposition of these two laws this way: We must obey our parents, but not if they tell us to violate the Sabbath. In Biblical Hebrew, the word “and” (which is actually just a single letter [vav] attached to the beginning of a word) often means “but” (see, for example, Psalms 96: 5). Thus, the Leviticus verse would be more accurately translated: “You shall each revere his mother and father, but keep My Sabbaths.” In other words, there is a moral authority higher than one’s parents: God. Accordingly, if our parents tell us to do something that violates God’s will, we are to respectfully decline to obey. The Talmud offers an example of a father who instructs his child not to return a lost item: the child is not to obey (though admittedly that is a lot to ask of a young child). 14 Though we do not owe our parents control of our conscience, we do still owe them honor. Maimonides writes: “If one sees his father violating a Torah law, he should not say, ‘Father, you have violated the Torah’; rather, he should say, ‘Father, is it not written in the Torah?’ as if he were asking a question, not delivering a warning”…. Those who find it difficult to honor a parent (and find themselves often arguing with, or even shouting at, a parent) should nevertheless attempt to find a way to observe this commandment. For example, sometimes it might be easier to honor one’s parents by not living near them. In other instances, it might be best to avoid prolonged stays with one’s parents. Whatever it takes to keep this commandment is worth pursuing. Additional points: •Implicit in the commandment to honor parents is the expectation for parents to act in ways that elicit their children’s respect. This means, first and foremost, parents must act honorably. It is difficult to honor parents who act dishonorably (such as parents who act criminally, who are dysfunctional due to drug or alcohol addiction, or who treat the other parent with contempt). It also means parents must act as their children’s parents, not as their peers. •As much as parents may want to be honored—and they should want to be—children need to honor their parents for their sake, not only the parents’. It is difficult to become a decent and happy adult if an individual does not honor his or her parents while growing up. •We also honor our parents in the ways we behave toward all other people (even after our parents have passed on). Our actions, good and bad, reflect on our parents (sometimes undeservedly). Thus, we do not honor our parents only through how we treat them, but how we treat others throughout our lives. When a person acts well toward others, people generally assume the person was raised by good parents. •If we honor our parents, our children will see how we act toward them and are more likely to treat us similarly. This is not just a selfish reason to observe this commandment, but a socially important one as well: By honoring our parents, we promote a value the younger generation is likely to emulate. •The selfish reason is also valid. Whenever I see middle-aged people who ignore their parents or act disrespectfully toward them, I wonder if they have ever considered the behavior they are modeling for their own children. In contrast, I recall my father Max Prager’s behavior toward his mother, my grandmother. She was a difficult woman, the sort who would frequently yell at him on the telephone. In all my years of overhearing those conversations, I do not recall my father ever yelling back, but rather saying every minute or two, “Yes, Ma; Yes, Ma.” Moreover, he called his mother every night and brought her to our home every Sunday. That made a profound impression on me and on my behavior toward my parents when I grew up. •The Hebrew does not state “Honor your father and mother.” It states, “Honor your father and your mother” to emphasize the equal importance of both parents. There is no difference in God’s eyes between father and mother; they are equals. To underscore this, elsewhere the Torah lists the mother first: “You shall each revere his mother and father” (Leviticus 19:3).” (Dennis Prager, The Rational Bible: Exodus, 255-258 (Kindle Edition): Washington, DC: Regnery Faith)
When parents encourage children to disobey God, children should do their best to put God first. Indeed, obeying God above everyone and everything should always be our first priority.
Father, thank You for godly parents who seek You first and who teach their children to do the same. Lord, we know that there are many parents who do not keep You first and may attempt (for whatever reason) to keep their children from following in Your paths. We pray for those parents, and we pray that You will help those children to honor them as far as possible even while they strive to follow You. Grant us wisdom and please be patient with us on this journey of life. Amen.